Fear in a Nice Outfit
Becoming a parent alters the weight of decision-making.
The choices that are made start to matter even more because they are not only about yourself, but also touch and affect the life of the child(ren) placed in our care.
And when that kind of weight is added, fear can begin to show up very easily.
Not always in obvious ways.
Sometimes it wears an outfit, more like a disguise.
- Fear can come dressed up as “responsible.”
- It sometimes dresses up as being “careful.”
- And othertimes it pretends to be “wise.”
So whatever might sound responsible, careful, discerning, or wise, underneath there can be a strong need to be right, avoid every risk, and control what just cannot fully be controlled.
That is where I had to hit pause.
Because as a new parent, I began to realize how easy it is to be influenced to make a decision that might look thoughtful on the outside, but underneath it is being shaped by fear.
And fear can be very convincing.
- It can make what is unfamiliar feel automatically wrong.
- It can push a decision forward, not because it is based on truth, but because it feels safer.
- It can sound like wisdom while quietly being driven by fear or mistrust.
Discernment
But discernment does not dress like that.
It is not meant to just make a person look strong.
It makes a person strong.
It is a gift, not to live afraid, but to live strengthened.
A person with discernment is not careless.
But neither are they trapped.
Discernment cares about understanding what is actually true, not just what feels unsettling, unfamiliar, or different.
It is not an excuse to live suspiciously about everything.
It is not fear dressed up as wisdom.
Can it be wise to be cautious? Yes, but caution is not the same as living in fear.
Discernment does not panic, and it does not need to control everything in order to feel secure.
It does the cautious yet bold thing: to slow down enough to see clearly in order to make confident decisions or draw concrete conclusions.
That matters more than we think, because the goal is not just to make a good decision. It is to become the type of person who can make decisions from a place that is formed by truth, not pulled around by fear or mistrust.
Living in Freedom
I cannot fully describe the freedom in that.
What I can say is that this freedom is not the same as being careless, uninformed, or naive.
It is not freedom to ignore reality.
It is freedom from being ruled by fear while lying to ourselves and calling it discernment.
Real discernment was not given to make us more suspicious, more tense, more reactive, or more fearful.
Life is imperfect.
- Systems are imperfect because they are designed by people, and people are imperfect.
- Churches are imperfect because they are run by people, and people are imperfect.
- Families are imperfect because they are made up of people, and people are imperfect.
What discernment does in all these areas of life is help make us more confident, grounded, and steady in the face of imperfections. Not weak or afraid.
It teaches us how to walk through life with wisdom, strength, and peace.
Not because everything is perfect or certain, but because truth is becoming more familiar than fear.
Remember this: the closer a person lives to truth, the less fear gets to lead.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
— 2 Timothy 1:7
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Daniela Rajcok
Family Support Coach / Psychoeducator
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