The Third Choice: What to do with the weight of harsh words.
Many months ago, I led a kindness project in a few middle schools here in my city.
I brought a bucket of rocks and a pack of markers, and I told the students, “Write a kind message on a rock for a stranger to find.”
Very simple. Almost childlike.
I remember one student raised his hand and asked, “But why are we using rocks?”
And I remember holding one in my palm and thinking, because this is what words can feel like.
Heavy.
Hard.
If it's thrown at someone with anger it could hurt pretty badly. Maybe leave a mark that will take a while to heal.
If you’ve ever replayed someone’s words in your mind hours, maybe days, even years later, you already understand the weight of what I mean.
Some words are just hard to forget, they are like a stone thrown straight to our souls.
And when something mean hits us like that, most of us default to one of two instincts:
We carry the bruise of the weight.
Or we throw it right back (to the same person or someone else.)
Carrying it can look like thinking about what was said over and over again, leading to resentment, anger, shame, or lack of motivation.
It results in a day that feels heavier than it needed to feel.
Throwing it right back at someone looks like matching the tone, insults, proving a point, revenge, passive aggressiveness, gossip, or sarcasm.
Returning the same weight, the same unkindness.
The Third Option
There’s a third option that takes more strength than both.
One that refuses to carry it and refuses to throw it.
The third option takes maturity and strength to even consider it.
This third option is the mature response.
A mature response does not pretend it didn’t hurt.
It does not excuse it.
It bravely decides “I’m not throwing another stone”.
Here’s a practice I try to live by:
When something hits, pause. Try to pause long enough to choose what kind of person you want to be after the hit.
That pause is more powerful than we think.
When we pause we can ask ourselves:
- Am I about to respond from maturity or from irritation?
- Is what I'm about to say going towards healing or just a release of my own weight?
- What would wisdom look like here?
ometimes strength looks like addressing it with a different tone
Sometimes it looks like stepping away.
But almost always, strength looks like choosing to not pass the hurt forward.
Because throwing another stone is just multiplying what already hurts.
And the world already has enough hurt.
The Choice
So this week, if someone’s words felt heavy for you...
Hold your rock for a second.
Look at it.
And then decide: I don’t have to carry this. And I don’t have to throw it back.
I can choose something else... the third choice.
Remeber: Strong people are not immune to getting hit.
But they refuse to become someone who throws another stone.
Thank you for reading, throw some kindness at me and share this if it spoke to you! :)
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Daniela Rajcok
Strong Minds, Strong Families.
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